After listening for the first two days to two counselor’s devotions, and then listening to Purity night on Tuesday, I began to develop questions. When I say so questions plural, I mean I actually filled up about 20 pages in my journal of questions and doubts I had about God. I realized how I have just looked at my relationship with God as a normal every day thing. I pretty much believed that it deserved no effort from me, but just would always be there no matter what. I realized how much I never actually understood what I had been reading in the Bible and how much I didn’t know about the Lord beyond the literal text itself. I wanted to discuss all my questions with one of the counselors in hope that they would help me figure out some of the answers.
So camp continues and I kept trying to find answers to my questions and get conversations in, but every time I tried, the opportunity would be turned away. I ended up getting so frustrated one night that I just felt like God was telling me to stop trying. I didn’t even feel that I wanted to answer these questions anymore; it was pretty much a necessity to me. It was all I could think about. And on Thursday, I almost gave up completely, until Faith night. Beforehand, everyone was saying how it’s such a touching night and how they were so excited, but all I could think about were my questions, and I was pretty much closing my heart to God’s chance to answer them. So I walk in and sit down, and worship begins with Give Me Faith. One line in the song grabbed my attention; “I may be weak, but your spirits strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God you never will”. My mind and emotions immediately broke down to these words. I’m never going to have all the answers. God has all the answers, and we are so weak in comparison and incapable of understanding it all, but his spirit has such strength to make up for that. This moment gave me a new happiness and clarity and a crazily deep hunger for a new and solid relationship. When I opened my eyes at the end of the final worship,
I looked over and found the exact counselor I had been waiting to talk to without anyone there, and I knew God has just given me the opportunity I had been waiting for. But instead of asking my questions, my heart had taken a new direction. The conversation that took place right there has made given me a new huger for the Lord and for his teaching. I learned how my relationship with God is not “normal”. Every single relationship with God is not “normal”. It’s so much beyond that. Each and every one is extraordinarily beautiful and incomprehensive. My relationship with God has changed and given me a whole new level of happiness from this one week at camp. I never imagined that one week in that kind of community could change me this much. Let me tell you, high school camp this year was anything but normal, and I’m so very thankful for that.