To be honest, these last couple weeks I have really been in the muck. At first, when tragedy struck, it felt so easy to cling to God, knowing the promise of His almighty power over my circumstances and that He could transform them in an instant if He wanted to.
But then an instant passed, and my face was still in the dirt. It was still difficult to get up every morning. And even though there were moments where I truly felt like I was in the light once again, the overwhelming question burning in my head as I hit the pillow each night was, “How long is this going to go on God?” I wanted the trial to be over, but I didn’t have the courage or the desire to take positive steps toward healing.
I threw up a prayer yesterday morning asking God for a few things. I prayed that I might hear a testimony of something amazing that He is doing is someone’s life. I hadn’t heard of God’s movement in the world in a personal way in a while.
I also asked Him for encouragement and conviction. I had been feeling down, and I know that two things that always spur me into action are conviction and encouragement.
To ruin the ending of this post for you, God answered all three prayers. But it’s how He answered them that I find so glorious.
A friend of mine had a biopsy done a few days ago. There has been a lot of cancer talk being thrown around, so I texted her at see how she was doing. She in turned asked me about my life and I began to tell her about my struggles and my lack of courage and desire for healing. I first found it amazing and humiliating that the girl who might have cancer was trying to comfort me. How backwards. Then she texted me one thing later on in the day after our conversation was over…
God says, “get up”
This….was awesome. Just the conviction I needed.
Later I got an e-mail from a high school camper that was chalk full of encouragement. Not only encouragement, but she thanked me for my influence on her life using a verse that I had been praying over her for months, but never told her about.
This too…was awesome. Just the encouragement I needed.
Then after dinner, I was driving with some of my brothers, and each of them began sharing testimony about the amazing things God was doing in their lives. How they were witnessing, loving, learning, and growing.
This of course…was beyond awesome. Just the testimony I needed.
God had performed the trifecta in one day. It’s a humble moment when you realize God has not given up on you. It’s an even more humble moment when you realize that not only has He not given up, but He’s still pursuing after you. He is ridiculous.
How do I deserve this?