As camp came to a close and the year went on I kept in contact with some of the counselors and I started to think more about God. I would send messages with questions to them and they would answer but I still wasn’t fully getting it but I felt that I was on the right path to God. The year in between the camps was a hard year for me I had a lot of things happen and I became disconnect again. I got angry and frustrated and blamed it all on God. I told myself that it wasn’t Gods fault but I never fully believed it.
It was time for camp again and I was really excited because I knew more people and I was going with some of my best friends. I got to camp and the first few days were great. I was more connected, I was trying to learn more about God and I felt happy. Then on faith night the guy who was speaking told everyone to close their eyes and talk with god and all I could hear was my mind telling me all of the of the wrong and bad things that I have done in my life and I felt empty. I told myself that I had to find God because I didn’t want that feeling of emptiness and of being a failure again. Later that year I started high school and I was so distracted and focused on other things that I put God in the back seat. But that spring I was casted in another Spotlight show and I went to the morning devotions that we had on Saturdays and I tried to really listen to the person speaking and began to think about God again. I felt myself growing closer to him but I was so afraid to trust him because I was afraid of being hurt.
This year was my first year at a HS overnight camp and I was really excited to go but for some reason I had this weird feeling that something was going to happen. I got to camp and made some new friends and I was having an amazing time! One of the days that we did worship we sang a song that said” I may be weak but your spirits strong in me my flesh may fail but my god you never will” and “Give me faith to trust what you say that you're good and your love is great”. We sang it a lot at camp and each time it hit me right in the heart and it reminded me of how empty and angry I felt. It was now the night for faith night and I was really excited but nervous about it. I have been through it before but I wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen.
As 150 of us piled into our seats we began to worship and do the devotions and Jimmy’s message really spoke to me. Right after we finished devotions and before we started to worship again I asked God if he would help me open my heart to him. So as we were worshiping I was standing there thinking about my life, frustrations, worries, and fears and then everyone started to sing that song and I immediately felt all of my burdens taken off of me. I just stood there with this giant grin on my face because for that moment I felt free!! I knew that there was a God and that he cared for me and loved me so much that I couldn’t ever comprehend all of it. I knew that he was my friend, my healer, and that no matter what I feel or say that he will always be there. I began to feel the tears rolling down my face and I shut my eyes, lifted my hands, and started to sing with all my might. I never wanted that feeling of happiness and being whole to end! But it did and the next morning during worship I wanted that feeling again but I didn’t find it and I couldn’t figure out why. So as we finished our last devotion as a camp, we broke out and wrote our letter to ourselves and all I could think about was how I had this amazing feeling and as I was writing my letter I wrote I hope you accept him and I knew instantly what I wanted to do. But I didn’t know how to say it so I went and found a counselor and I asked him if he would pray with me and he said sure. He asked me what we were praying about and I said that I wanted to accept Jesus as my savior. He got a smile on his face and said “Really, right now you want to?” With all my heart I said YES!! During that prayer I felt like I was on top of the world and that nothing could hurt me! I now know what was wrong with those campers from the past years. It wasn’t that something was wrong with them it was that something was right. They had God in their hearts and now so do I!!!